Updated: Mar 25
People like to ponder what they'd tell themselves if their younger self was standing right in front of them, & needed to hear some encouragement.
This is what I would say to her.
Everything will get better. It will take time, it will be painful, it will be hard. But it will happen. You have a support network bigger than you realize, and you are loved more than you know.
Change is hard, change is scary. But change also means growth. And growth means progress. Growth means learning or un-learning things. Learning to love yourself and un-learning all the negative thoughts you've had about anything from self-image to those inner demons you battle so often.
Speaking of demons...those will leave too. Those will no longer haunt you, they will no longer tell you how you've failed at life, at school, at anything. Instead, a voice that is your own will speak, one that sounds like the music on Main Street in Disneyworld. It will be peaceful, calming, it will bring you joy, and it will tell you that you can do it. You will succeed. And if you fail, at least you learned something new. Take what you learned and use it somewhere else. Or don't use it at all but rather put it away in the back of your mind until, eventually, possibly, you will need it again.
Do not dwell on negativity. It does nothing good for you, it'll elevate everything bad that is in your head. Instead, focus on the bright side. Look towards the light instead of the dark. Look at what lies ahead, what you have no idea will happen, all the beautiful things yet to come. You will succeed in your career even if it takes a sharp left turn and you end up in a place you didn't expect. But you will be happy, content. You will look forward to waking up every morning and doing the job you do, because that space will not be toxic like so much else in life that you will have experienced. It will not drain you emotionally or physically. It will not make you question yourself, or your sanity. You will loose your patience but, not in a way that you will resent those around you, like you have so often before.
You will meet the man of your dreams, the man who will love you for you. He will accept you as you are, he will accept you for the progress you are making. But most importantly, he will understand. He will understand your struggles and will offer his hand to help, countless times...Even when you feel like you're slipping. He will be patient, loyal, warm and so so many other wonderful things. He will complete you. He will be your other half. Your soulmate. He will be home for your heart & your soul. But not until after you've already completed yourself.
You will become content with who you are & the things you like, and the friends you do or do not have (those too, will come with time). You will learn self-love & self-acceptance. You will understand what it's like to feel confident & content in your own skin, on your own terms. And every inch of you will be loved, by yourself, and by him.
You will not remain alone. The isolation will not last forever. Your inner peace depends on you to bring it forward, and you have your family to help. Your biggest, greatest, support system. It is irreplaceable & not all have it.
Everything will fall into place. Everything still is. It will take time, it will take patience. But most of all, it will take you sticking around to find out what happens. To turn the page and see what the next chapter has in store. The next phase in life. The change. The growth.
Life is not easy, it is a rollercoaster. But it is one worth riding. You'll see. Just hang on & don't worry if you let go - the safety net will always be there to catch you. Always.