7th-8th Grade (part 1)

7th & 8th were simultaneously the worst, the first time I had to go through 7th & 8th grade, that is.

Why? Because I started 7th & 8th grades on a normal trajectory. It was when I transferred schools for the second & final time, that I had to go into 7th grade AGAIN because (for whatever reason) the school would not accept me in the 8th from where I left. Which was right before winter break. So i'd only have half of the 8th grade left. But instead, let's start from the middle of 7th & re-start & finish 8th (was the logic of my school).

For simplification purposes: I am starting with 7th & 8th Grade part ONE of two. If it wasn't clear, it's cuz I went through both twice; in a way.

Because both tries at school at those times sucked. Hard. Like most of the moral of my stories, it only got worse as it SLOWLY got better. I, at the time, being unbeknownst to it ever getting better. Ever.

So here is the Second Circle of Hell. 7th & 8th Grades part one.

So I transferred schools after I finished the 6th grade which was in my last post. I went from a co-ed school to an all girls Catholic school. Me not being Catholic only affected the Religion class (since I knew next to nothing about that, and also didn't know a single prayer), and on Friday mass I sat alone as everyone else received Communion. I also had no idea what the whole Communion hullabaloo was all about; what with adding a name & wearing poofy gowns. It was a big deal at that school & the school itself even had the ceremony for the whole class - or something, I can only remember the enormous posters of their chosen names & me trying to figure out why you'd add another name if you already had a middle name, for those who did. For those who DIDN'T have a middle name, adding one between your first and last made some sense. This is irrelevant, however. I'm not Catholic, I don't & didn't participate in Mass besides listening to the Priest talk candidly - and that's it.

My mom & I thought an all girls school would be a better fit since no idiot "boys" would be there to amp up everyones crap & target ONE person. It started off great, when I had buddy day I was welcomed with open arms, and when I joined those same girls in 7th grade I was, again, welcomed openly. I even made my first real best friend. This only lasted ONCE; the whole, entering a new school and people treating me like I was always there as opposed to the literal xenophobia I encountered in my next & final school.

I wasn't an outsider. Until I was.

I made friends with someone named A. She was new, too. Being mutually new is a benefit because neither of you know anyone, so there's a degree of comfort in speaking to someone else who has no friends yet when everyone else does. That duo became a trio & then a quadruple? We went from 2, to 3, to 4 friends. Something I never imagined would happen and, subsequently, never had again. Even to this day.

One girl, S, was a jealous instigator and we considered her the leader of the group. Although, due to me being the nicest I, secretly, was the leader. I'd never've admitted that in front of anyone because S would flip out - and she used to. Pettiness was running rampant in an all-girls school and, as someone who considers herself a feminist, no. I am not saying that as a blatant stereotype. That's literally how it was. She used to flip over really dumb shit; and I mean REALLY dumb. If she wasn't included in your conversation she'd assume you were shit talking her & would go berserk. Meanwhile, the one time it happened, me & A were discussing, probably what we were doing for Winter Break - can't remember; but it was just that innocent of a conversation that she flipped out over anyway, because she wasn't included.

She was only bad when she was trying to be petty. She'd mostly turn her back on all or one of us and pretend like she wasn't ever going to be friends again. Going so far as to hype up another student for a raffle, or whatever, just because my name got called as a second place winner or something so the girl who won first got a whole show from S that she's a winner & all this stupidity. It was so dumb, I repressed it so hard, I can't even remember the finer details. Go figure.

7th grade at this school went smoothly. I had my down days, but all in all it was positive.

It was 8th grade where that theme of new students comes in again. Another all girls catholic school closed & ours volunteered to take on some of the smaller classes. 8th graders being one of them. They were welcomed with open arms and everyone made friends instantly. I stuck with my little group, A stuck with me - S & the other one drifted off with the new kids, that's fine.

A & I got along great. Turns out her mother was the problem (plot twist). And while that was happening behind my back, S slowly got worse. I don't remember what was said but I remember it being so bad, one teacher stepped in & tried preaching that, "we are all sisters here & we don't treat each other like that. Or say things like that." It escalated so heavily because S didn't want to apologize for saying what she did & I didn't want to accept it because, I shouldn't have to, that we had to see the principle. She was playing favorites, my anxiety was kicking in because, as previously mentioned, I no longer respected teachers. They play favorites & I did NOT tolerate that kind of shit. Not at 13. No way. (I got sick with a highly contagious disease and literally showed off what was happening to my body as a result just so I could go back home, my mom wasn't happy, but I was. This goes to show how little respect I had for teachers). Well, I recall sobbing so hard I couldn't catch my breath, or speak. & S just stared at me like I had 3 heads, & I kept saying,"do you see how what you said makes me feel? Don't you see how much it hurts? You don't know what I went through before you & I will not allow anyone to treat me that way again." Over, and over, and over again. Still, no remorse shown (cuz kids at that age were borderline sociopathic I guess), I don't think I ever got an apology, rumors were probably spread. Everyone stopped talking to me. I, in turn got bullied more - even by the new kids, who never spoke a damn word to me ever, even from day 1 when they started (it was a weird hive mind they had). Even in the middle of math class. That story is too embarrassing to tell but let's just say I was writing something down and new-girl brat decided to be nosey & think calling out what I was doing to the teacher & literally reading it out in front of the whole class was fair, that I literally wanted nothing more than to be struck by lightning as I sat there, crying, and die. Or go home and never return because screw all of you, I once again did nothing to deserve you behaving that way & this is the first time you're speaking to me so, oh I don't know, maybe - mind your own god-damned business?

Again, kids were god-damned sociopathic. No remorse, no cares, just terrible treatment towards your fellow classmate - for what? A few moments of attention? Please.

Here's a tip for you, reader, if you're here because you too have anxiety/depression/both: They are insecure & are not happy. They will do ANYTHING to make your feelings match theirs, or make you feel WORSE. Do NOT let them win. Ever.

So anyway, A's mom. Who knows what she said & was saying behind my back to other parents, who knows why also. But what I do know is she not only insulted me, someone she'd literally never met for more than 5 minutes. She insulted my mom & whole family. Also, never met anyone. See, the lack of logic in bullies brains is what frustrated and continues to frustrate me the most. You don't know me. You know nothing about me. So who are you to say anything to anyone about me or who you think I am?

Long story short: I would bring cookies from a local cookie shop (best cookies ever, might I add). Not like anyone deserved cookies but, the logic was i'd be better liked (I wasn't. People are simply ungrateful). My mom was watching me trot off to the school with cookies in hand, only to end up behind A's mom speaking to another mom. She overheard her saying how "weird" me AND my entire family are. I've told my mom this & I'll say it again: how I hoped she'd say something mean back just to embarrass her in front of mom #2. But it comes down to being the bigger person & all that, and she was.

See, the issue with this is - people literally will believe anything. "Don't believe everything you see on the internet" is the same as "don't believe everything someone tells you about someone else, unless you know the person being spoken about personally".

Instead of a nasty remark in response, my mom simply told her that her daughter will not be seeing me after winter break.

That's when I left. Again.